Harper College will be closed Monday, December 23 through Wednesday, January 1 for Winter Break.
At Harper Wellness, we know that encountering and managing traumatic, disturbing, or disruptive events that occur across the nation and in our every day lives can cause stress, anxiety, and difficulties coping. Members of your school community may experience a range of reactions, and students and staff alike may feel unsettled, shocked, sad, fearful, angry, or even numb. The Jed Foundation has offered a few ideas about how to help you and your communities cope and heal:
For more ideas, please read How to Cope With Traumatic Events.
Here are some resources that can help as we work to support and build resilience in our communities after a traumatic event:
We can help every school community cope with these challenging moments in healthy ways, and remind each other that we are not alone.
If you or someone you know needs help immediately, text “START” to 741-741, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255), dial 911, or go to the nearest emergency room. Find more information and resources at jedfoundation.org/help.
Conversations We Need to Be Having about Suicide
By Janna Comrie, MA, Registered Psychotherapist
Talking about death can seem morbid at the best of times. People often shy away from
these
conversations for fear that they will upset someone or that talking about it will
cause death to
happen, or they simply do not want to think about it because the idea of loss is painful.
But what
about death by suicide? What do you do when you’re thinking about suicide, or you
suspect
someone that you love may be feeling suicidal?
People who contemplate, attempt, or die by suicide typically feel stuck and overwhelmed
in a
situation or feeling that leaves them hopeless. They feel like there is no “out”.
Clients will
sometimes come into my office with severe anxiety, depression, or trauma-related symptoms.
They will say things like, “I wish I were dead”, “nothing matters”, or “I just want
to die”. As we
start to process their feelings, they will often realize that they don’t actually
want to be dead, but
they feel that they can’t go on in the emotional state that they are in. They feel
that death may
be the only relief from their current level of emotional pain and are unable to imagine
how to
change their experience because of how terrible they are feeling. These clients are
not
exaggerating or being dramatic. They legitimately experience life, the way that they
are currently
living it, as unbearable, and they would rather be dead than continue feeling as they
are. This is
why it is so important to talk about suicide if you are feeling suicidal or if you
suspect someone
is suicidal. For someone who is struggling with suicidal thoughts, opening up and
talking about
those thoughts can lower anxiety, giving them a moment to think differently which,
in turn,
lowers impulsivity. Talking about suicide is helpful – it does not cause suicide.
How Do You Recognize Potential Signs of Suicide?
It is not always obvious that someone is struggling with suicidal thoughts or ideation.
There are many warning signs, but the three most important signs are:
• thinking, writing, or talking about suicide or death
• having a plan to kill one’s self
• having the means to carry out that plan
These need to be taken seriously and help from a physician or mental health professional
should be sought out immediately if these signs are present.
Other common signs involve:
• collecting items to put the plan in place (e.g., weapons, medications)
• withdrawing from friends and family
• increased substance use
• hopelessness
• feeling trapped or feeling like “it [the negative feelings/situation] will never
end”
• change in mood (e.g., increased anger, crying, irritability, grief)
• giving away personal or important items
• an increase in risky behaviours (e.g., driving fast, jumping/diving off higher and
higher
rocks, inappropriately crossing streets)
The greater the number of signs, and the more severe the individual signs are, the
more serious
the issue. That said, all signs are notable and worth talking about.
Suicide is more likely when people are experiencing additional life stressors. These
include but
aren’t limited to things like the death of a family member or friend, loss of a job
or relationship,
financial stresses, chronic pain, experiencing or witnessing traumatic events, and
experiencing
discrimination on the basis of sex, gender, gender identity, sexual orientation, age,
race,
religion, and other traits.
How to Approach the Topic of Suicide with Someone You Fear Might be
Contemplating Suicide
Talking about suicide is uncomfortable for just about everyone! That said, talking
about it to
someone who may be considering suicide can be lifesaving. When talking about suicide,
it is so
important that you approach the individual with care and compassion. Using judgement,
biases,
prejudices, shame or guilt, and minimizing their feelings is not helpful. Instead,
be direct and
approach the individual from a place of wanting to understand what they are feeling
and
thinking. Here, active listening skills are key.
For example, don’t say things like:
• “People who commit suicide are so selfish.”
• “My friend’s daughter tried and failed.”
• “You wouldn’t do that, would you?”
In the first example, the word “commit” sounds judgemental – people commit sins and
crimes.
The rest of the statement is a judgement. In the second sentence, labelling suicide
as a success
or a failure makes it sound like a grade or a desirable achievement. Sensationalizing
or
inadvertently glamorizing suicide is not helpful. The final statement employs subtle
shame and
guilt which can make someone feel even worse if they are already feeling suicidal.
Instead, do say things like:
• “Are you thinking about suicide?”
• “You must be hurting so deeply to feel like killing yourself.”
• “Have you thought about how you would do it? If so, how?”
• “Have you been collecting things to be able to put the plan into action?”
• “It sounds like it’s been really hard.”
• “What are the things stopping you from killing yourself?”
These statements are direct, kind, and curious. They make no assumptions but simply
seek to
elicit a non-judgemental conversation that may show you how you may help or may help
you to
guide the individual thinking about suicide to someone who can provide assistance
with greater
ease. They allow the individual who is struggling with suicidal thoughts to feel heard
and
understood.
Know that talking about suicide is NOT putting an idea in someone’s head or increasing
the
likelihood that they will attempt suicide. Instead, it opens the door to someone understanding
and the individual being able to start a conversation to improve their situation.
Validation of their
feelings can be helpful. This does not mean agreeing that they have reason to want
to kill
themselves or that you agree with them killing themself, but it does mean trying to
empathize
with the pain, anxiety, depression, or other emotion that is overwhelming them. Recognizing
them for the courage it takes to open up when feeling so low, can mean a lot! Be yourself
and
understand that you don’t need to be able to “fix” the suicidal thoughts for them.
Instead, let
them know that you appreciate them trusting you. If they have a plan and have collected
the
items required to complete the plan, do not leave the individual alone. Contact a
professional. If
they don’t have a plan but admit they are having thoughts, take them seriously. Check-in
regularly and as quickly as possible, help them to get connected to a doctor, a mental
health
professional, or a religious figure who can provide additional, psychologically informed
support.
What to Do if You Are Having Negative Thoughts and Are Contemplating Suicide
First and foremost, know that there are things you can do! Don’t isolate. Talk to
someone that
you trust about how you are feeling – a family member, friend, your doctor, a colleague,
or
mental health professional. Reach out immediately! Sitting in suicidal thoughts by
yourself only
gets harder the longer that you do it. When you talk about your suicidal thoughts,
be open and
honest – especially if you feel hopeless and like nothing can be done. It doesn’t
matter if you
know exactly how to explain how or what you’re feeling. It just matters that you start
talking.
Have a safety plan including someone you can call, a safe place to go, and something
distracting to do should you feel suicidal. Keep crisis phone numbers handy and use
them.
These people are trained to help you get through the toughest of moments. Know that
what you
are feeling is very real but just because you have not found a way out of those feelings
yet,
does not mean that there isn’t one! Talking about what you’re going through is the
first step to
changing it. Chances are that you’ve been living through the pain alone and in your
head. You
can’t change things unless you’re willing to do something different, and the second
you let your
thoughts live outside your head and tell someone, you’ve just done something different.
Again,
that is the first step. Be open to help and be open to being uncomfortable. If you’re
doing the
same things over and over, they’ll seem much more comfortable than something different
will. If
you’re doing something different, it always feels uncomfortable at first! Suicide
is a difficult topic.
But by opening the lines of communication, hope can be given, and lives can change.
Talking is
the first step to that change by promoting understanding, empathy, knowledge, and
trust. All of
these are key to helping an individual who is dealing with suicidal thoughts address
the
challenges in their life. So, it’s time to start talking!
988 is available across the U.S., but additional crisis services are still developing, will depend on where you live, and will likely change as states implement the full continuum of care. We encourage you to contact your local and state mental health authorities to learn the latest updates in your area. Find more information about the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline and resources to support you in updating your crisis response materials and spreading the word to your campus community: