Loneliness and You: Relearning the Art of Connection

The loneliness epidemic is a growing concern, especially after the isolation of the COVID-19 pandemic. And while smartphones and social media have made us more connected than ever, they also can make deep and meaningful connections with others even harder to achieve.

But here’s the good news if you’re feeling lonely: You’re not alone and you have the power to change. Here are 5 tips from Carol Trejo Kroeger, counseling services manager at Harper College, for fighting that loneliness and connecting with others again.

Connect with yourself first

If people don’t connect with themselves, it’s much harder to connect with other people. Learning more about yourself, your values, and what is most important to you will inform what activities you can pursue to make better and more meaningful connections. However you can explore and pursue what matters the most to you will help improve your overall well-being.

Just take one step

Completely rebuilding social skills doesn’t happen overnight. Finding small, simple actions you can take will help you make progress towards your goal and build your confidence along the way. Maybe instead of ordering takeout from a delivery app, go pick it up in person and ask the host a question. Instead of FaceTiming with a nearby friend, ask to meet up for coffee or go for a walk together. That skill has to start somewhere, and it can start somewhere small. Build upon that little piece of motivation to connect other people until it becomes momentum, and then you start getting more and more into it.

Get creative

Connection doesn’t always have to be talking. For my clients that love to do art or music, I encourage them to do that as that fosters the connection with yourself. Find a class or workshop that interests you and gives you the opportunity to interact with others with similar interests in a structured setting. This extends beyond the arts too: sites like Coursera, Udemy, and Skillshare offer courses on conversational skills and public speaking, and your local community college is a great place to meet people or try something new in person.

Cut yourself some slack

It’s easy to let self-doubt creep in and stop you from doing something you know you want to do. But it’s important to remember that making connections is a skill that needs practice and self-compassion. None of us jumped on a bike the first time and started riding it right away. We had to learn those skills of balancing and pedaling and steering. Social connection is very much the same. Be easy on yourself, keep your expectations low, and acknowledge the awkwardness of trying new things.

Ask for help

In our society that favors hyper-independence, asking for help can be viewed as weakness. But it’s OK not to be OK. Putting yourself out there and trying to connect with others is a very vulnerable act, especially if you’re out of practice. Therapy can be a great tool for overcoming this vulnerability and building your skills in a safe environment. But even if it’s just reaching out to a friend or family member, combating loneliness starts with the willingness to make a change and acknowledge that you don’t have to do it alone.